I have to admit, I've never used any of these. These pick up lines are so nasty, they're insults...

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
I like every bone in your body especially mine.
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?
Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?
Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.
Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.
Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up.
If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!
I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
If you were a car door I would slam you all night long
Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.
How about you sit on my lap and we'll straighten things out
Baby, I'd run a mile for your vertical smile. Nice shirt.... wanna fuck?
If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
Can I have fries with that shake!
I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U.
You're so sweet you're giving me a toothache.
Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?
If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
Hi, I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?
Pardon my is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you know CPR because you take my breath away.
Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope.
My face is leaving in 15 minutes...be on it!
I'd look good on you.
When does your centerfold come out.
So do ya wanna see something really swell?
I've seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?
I've got the hot dog and you got the buns.
Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get.
Are we near the airport or is that just my heart taking off?
I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock.
You have nice legs. What time do they open?
Do you like Subway? How about my foot long?
Hey that dress looks nice. Can I talk you out of it.
Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd just love to tap that ass!
Are those pants from outer space? Cause that ass is out of this world.
You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because your the bomb!
Are you a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you.
If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head tonight?

My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last.....

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!", so I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as
Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
forever . "
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
but not with all those flies and death and stuff." ? ? ? ?
--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for
federal anti-smoking campaign .

`````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," ? ?
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .

````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are
the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

`````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

````````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

``````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

``````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle

``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca

```````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

`````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al! Gore, VP

`````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

``````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

I am at crossroads in my life in more ways than one. I lack spirituality, and therefore, probably purpose in life.

I grew up Catholic, eventually got tired of all of the church's politics and guilt-teaching. For a long time, I lost contact with God and had serious doubt.

Then I figured that a personal relationship with God was better than none. I tried to live my life (and still do for the most part) in a way HE would deem acceptable. But after awhile even a "personal" relationship with God felt empty.

I met a great guy, a pastor, who turned me onto some books, Lee Strobel's "A Case for Christ" series, and those were very enlightening. We had long, fascinating discussions about them.

I know it comes down to faith, but that's also hard for me to fathom. How did those of you who are born again, or just those of you who have strong faith, take your leap and put your faith in God, and really and truly live with him?

Any good ideas out there for food on the big game. I'd like to try to avoid stuff such as pizza.

And I'm looking for a really good recipe on pineapple salsa, or something similar.