OK, here's another joke that crossed my email:

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabby said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabby replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

My friend over at "Misadventures of a single mom" spurred this post. Of course, her list is about Texas. This list is about Colorado, some of have been around for awhile, and others I've added to the list.

Ah, to be a Coloradan ..... (Yes, that is spelled correctly.)

No, we don't bleed orange and blue
Yes, we know how to pronounce Buena Vista
No, the bike on our car is not worth more than our car. Well, maybe ....
The word "pass" does not involve women or sports.
Yes, we can switch from "heat" to A/C in one day.
We know what "The People's Republic of Boulder" means.
Yes, we're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
Yes, we can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
Yes, we install security lights on our house and garage but leave all doors unlocked.
We can visit friends at sea level and drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.
Yes, April showers bring May blizzards.
We know what a "Chinook" is. We know what a "rocky mountain oyster" is.
We know where the real "South Park" is.
We can go skiing in July and sunbathing in January. Sometimes both in the same year.
SPF 90 is not out of the question.
Yes, people from other states breathe 5 times as often as we do.
Yes, we've used "checking for ticks" as an excuse to get someone naked.
A bear on the front porch doesn't bother us nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.
Yes, we see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and look closer to see if it's anyone we know.
Yes, we design our kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
"Timberline" is someplace we've have actually been. Many times.
We've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run into both oceans'.
We know the true meaning of Mile High.
We've joined the Mile High Club without ever leaving the ground.
And most important: We get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

OK, this joke crossed my e-mail this morning:

Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this can bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him be with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories per spoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure, and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and sell it. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice, expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should-he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice, expensive present, and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.

It kind of goes without saying on Valentine's Day, but here is one person's list. What are some of yours?

Titantic
Gone with the WInd
Breakfast at Tiffany's
When Harry met Sally
An officer and Gentleman
Romeo and Juliet
Westside Story
Ghost
Casablanca
Love Story
Beauty and Beast (Disney)
An Affair to Remember
Jerry Magurie
English Patient
The Brothers McMullen

If you are going on a first date tonight on Valentine's, be careful. These might be the worst things to say on a first date:

I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.

I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?

Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.

Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.

I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice."

Do you want to play doctor? That'll be five hundred dollars.

Wait till my wife hears about this!

I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight months with good behavior.