Johnny The Gambler

Little Johnny's dad was a retired gambler. Having picked up a few of his old man's bad habits, Johnny wagered on anything and everything, and he was good at it. Eventually, it became such a problem, that Johnny's teacher called his father to discuss it. After a long conversation, they decided to teach him a lesson.

One day after class Johnny approached his teacher. "You're not really blonde," he said. "I've seen your bush and it's pitch black, you dye your hair."

"I most certainly do not," she replied.

"I bet you ten bucks you do," he said.

She saw that this was an opportunity to teach him a lesson, so she waited for all the other children to leave the class and took off her pants, showing him that her pubic hair was the same color as the hair on her head. Johnny paid her the ten dollars and walked sullenly out of the room.

A few hours later Johnny's teacher called his father. "I think I finally taught him a lesson," she said.

"The hell you have," his father said angrily. "This morning he bet me $50 he'd see your vagina before the end of the day."

I ran across this joke recently:

I've been paying so much for gasoline, lately, my piggy bank now looks like this:

Ashley's Mom over at "Misadventures of a single mom" posted something recently about her dealings with interoffice dating. That made me think of an old joke about how to annoy your co-workers. Of course, this joke doesn't have anything to do with AM or her problem, but I thought it funny enough to post:

Some great ways to annoy people at work...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3. Insist that your e-mail address be xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or elvis-the-king@companyname.com.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN.'
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours"
10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13. Don't use any punctuation
14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are.
16. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22. Five days in advance tell your co-workers you can't attend the social event because you're not in the mood.
23. Pretend your phone is a CB when talking with clients.

For Dazey:

Take a moment my friend
and try a new experience

Stand outside, and look
what you see might surprise you
The sun is bright, the day is vibrant, spring is blooming (well, almost)

Stand outside, and close your eyes
what you hear might surprise you
the birds are singing, the children are playing, life is calling

Stand outside, close your eyes and ears
what you smell might surprise you
the air is crisp and the earth is changing

Stand outside and open your arms
what you find won't surprise you
life is expecting but your escape is waiting,

Journey - Open Arms

Lying beside you
here in the dark
feeling your heartbeat with mine
softly you whisper
you're so sincere
how could our love be so blind?
we sailed along together
we drifted apart
I'm here, you are by my side

So now I come to you
with open arms
nothing to hide
believe what I say
so here I am
with open arms
hoping you'll see
what your love means to me
open arms

Living without you
living alone
this empty house seem so cold
wanting to hold you
wanting you near
how much I wanted you home
but now that you come back
tonight into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you
with open arms
nothing to hide
believe what I say
so here I am
with open arms
hoping you'll see
what your love means to me
open arms