At one point does one really self-destruct?

With each drink I continue to take, I walk further down a road of no return.

It's funny, I think about it a lot, I know what's right, but still I continue down the wrong road. It's as if I'm helpless.

Maybe next time will be the bottom. Or maybe it won't, and I'll continue my free-fall.

No response needed. I'm just putting down some thoughts.

Believe it or not, BlackNapalm is world-renowned. He is critically acclaimed in everything he does. He has a large, world following. We here at But I digress will post occasional blogs from some of BlackNapalm's biggest fans.

For this installment, we chose the self-proclaimed king of all media, Howard Stern. Read below for what the talented radio host has to say about BlackNapalm.



The 52-year-old Hoard Stern seems perpetually stuck in the headlines. The past year has been no different. Stern recently took his radio show, widely thought to be the most popular radio show in history, to satelite radio on Sirius. Many experts predicted his demise because Sirius is subscription-based, and because it was widely thought to be an inferior satelite radio service -- second to XM. Stern, though, helped boost Sirius' credibility with millions of subscribers.. He also battled CBS Radio, his former boss, in a contentious laswsuit. Whatever the case, Stern seems to be enjoying himself at his new gig at Sirius. We sent But I digress interns to New York to interview Stern after one of his radio shows. The well-known Shock Jock was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, and his customary sunglasses. His model girlfriend Beth Ostrosky was with him.

But I digress: Hi Howard.
HS: Hey now.
BID: So, you're a fan of BlackNapalm?
HS: Of course, who isn't? I mean the guy is great.
BID: How do you two know each other?
HS: He was a frequent guest of mine on my radio show in the 90s. He also helped produce my movie "Private Parts."
BID: How did you two meet?
HS: I was at a fund-raiser for disabled American veterans after the first Gulf war. He was a key-note speaker. We got to talking, and I invited him on my show.
BID: Is he a disabled vet?
HS: Ask him.
BID: So, he was on the radio show. What kind of guest is he?
HS: Actually, he's one of the funniest people I have ever met. He has a different sense of humor, though. Sometimes it can be very dark.
BID: What was the funniest thing he ever did on your show?
HS: He tried to hook up with some lesbians we had on. I mean, the guy has some balls, if you know what I mean. He was doing what all the guys on the show wanted to do.
BID: When's the last time you saw him?
HS: A couple of months ago. He's been on the show since we moved off terrestrial radio to satelite. It's funny, we don't have to bleep him anymore.
BID: He likes to cuss?
HS: Who the hell doesn't?
BID: BlackNapalm seems to be very famous, but there's not a lot of public sightings of him. Why do you think that is?
HS: The guy values his privacy.
BID: What kind of girls does he date?
HS: Hot ones. But he's told me he's in love.
BID: Well, he is but that didn't end up working out. He's written a lot about it.
HS: That's too bad, because he really had it hard for her.
BID: Yeah, we think she ruined him for all women.
HS: Fucking bitch.
BID: That's something that you can say on air now.
HS: Yeah I love it. I actually don't cuss a lot, but I never liked to be censored. I LOVE THE FREEDOM.
BID: We heard BlackNapalm actually got you fined by the FCC.
HS: Yeah, we were talking about all my fines once on the radio, and he just up and said, FUCK the FCC. Our censors didn't catch it. The FCC did.
BID: Did he pay the fine for you?
HS: No, the radio stations pay the fines. Or they used to, it's changed now days.
BID: All right Howard, thanks for talking with us about BlackNapalm.
HS: No worries, he's a great guy. Tell him Robin said hi.
BID: No problem. One more thing: tell us one thing no one knows about BlackNapalm.
HS: That's easy, he has a great radio voice.

My 20-year class reunion was the impetus for my weekend drunken binge (and I apologize for my previous post, BTW).

Nothing like hanging with old friends for a spark to lose perspective.

Anyway, how's this for a bit of irony:

A few weeks ago Whit was doing a series on ethical choices. One of them had to do with what would you do if you found $100,000 in a briefcase belonging to Bill Gates? I said I would go on a two-week bender in Vegas with a stripper named Polly and her friend Molly. Since then, I've made several references to Polly and Molly all over the blog -- kind of a running gag.

So at the class reunion, who should I meet? A real-life Molly (No, she didn't have a real-life stripper friend named Polly, at least as far as I could tell).

Now let me tell you about Molly: We spent most of the weekend talking -- and buying each other shots. We didn't know each other well in school, but it was nice getting to know her a little bit. She was smoking hot (she aged quite well -- more so than the other girls from the class. Not that it matters, but just keeping consistent with the vanity of my most recent previous posts) and NICE. And to top it off, she lives in VEGAS! How's that for cool? When I want that two-week bender in Vegas, I'll already know a Molly -- and how hard will it be to find a stripper named Polly?

Hello, I'm Black Napalm and I'm addicted to .... women.

All different kinds, colors, shapes, sizes.

If I had to break it down, I prefer blonde women. Why is that? I don't know, but it couuld because the one true love of my life had blonde hair.

Though I was addicted to porn at a young age, and that gave me a view of women as objects to be used (or idolized, I guess), I have worked hard in my life to get past that objectification of women.

I like to get to know a woman as a person and make judgments from that. Let's look at two case studies (the two women I have loved most in my life.)

Case study # 1.
The young love of my life, or so I thought. The first time I met this woman we were young. She was about 5-7, had blonde hair, the most amazing eyes -- they changed color depending upon her mood -- was about 150 pounds, long hair, had small breasts, and to me was the most beautiful women. When we hooked up a second time, last year, she had aged amazingly. She had lost a lot of weight -- probably weighed about 118 pounds -- and everything else was about the same, except her hair, which was shorter. When I saw her again, I still knew there was a connection. She was still as beautiful as ever. With her, it wasn't about sex (believe it or not we never had sex), but it was about being in love.

Case study #2
This woman had blonde hair, would be classified by most as good looking, weighed about 160 pounds, had amazing blue eyes, big breasts. She became the best wife a guy could ask for and the mother of my son, and we had a good solid relationship for many years. She was/is a very good person. With her it was about sex, a lot, at least at first, and then a solid love.

Other than blonde hair and blue eyes, these women didn't have a lot in common outwardly or inwardly.

For me, the attraction is inside. When I'm in love with a woman (and I don't fall in love easily), she becomes the most beautiful person in the world to me. I can't get enough of her -- her scent, her voice, her taste, everything about her. I can still remember how her neck tastes and feels from the times I kissed it.

Sure, I'm vain just as much as anyone else. Looks matter somewhat. But once you get past looks, you have to have some substance. I've had my share of conquests (sorry for the word choice) over the years, you know, the good-looking model types from the porn magazines.Red-Heads, Blondes, Brunettes. Punk Rockers, school teachers, house wives. They run the gamut. And some of those women were great people, but other than attraction, there wasn't much. I've used and been used.

So now that I'm single again, I might just chose eye-candy for awhile until I find that next love of my life.

The one thinig I haven't done much of in my life is date within my race. I might try that.

(OK, newsflash. I'm Hispanic. There's a clue I've never revealed.)

Hello, I'm Black Napalm and I'm addicted to .... women.

All different kinds, colors, shapes, sizes.

Polly and Molly, here I come.

Prisoner of Hope asked me some tough questions recently about what kind of women I'm attracted to. This was her guess:



"Looks like a model, needy for peoples attention and admiration, feels she should be treated like someone special by everyone she meets, gives her 50% to the relationship but isn't into the 100%/100% philosophy and also has expectations of what she expects from the man. She gets upset when she isn't getting what she thinks she deserves. She follows the latest fashion crazes but doesn't really have her OWN style. She keeps her physical appearance up but is what you would call "high-maintanance" and needs to be catered to. May or may not be well-educated but is shallow in her personality. Am I close?"

I told her I'd do a blog post on the topic, so here it is. But to understand what kind of women I'm attracted to, you first have to understand a couple of key points in my life.

Hello, my name is Black Napalm and I'm addicted to porn and what it stands for: sex.

It's true. I've written about it (and my alcohol addiction) before, but I'll recap it here for those interested. When I was about 11, a friend and I discovered that the "junk man" of the neighborhood had a trailer on his property that contained literally thousands and thousands of pornographic magazines, stacked from the floor to the ceiling, leaving only a small area in which to move inside the trailer. We did what any normal hot-blooded boys would do: We stole some, took them home and looked at them. I trace back my addiction to porn until that moment in time and the ensuing years with unlimited access to porn.



Many adults have problems with addiction to porn. In the case of an 11-year-old, it creates a whole different world, unhealthy and not normal. Instead of doing purely normal 11-year-old things (like sports, playing with friends, etc.), I became obessed with trying to live out the life I thought those magazines depicted. I became adept at hiding my porn addiction. At a young age, I was living two lives, one of which dominated the other.

So, yeah, those early days gave me some formative ideas of what women were about: sex. And yes, initially, I thought I was attracted to a certain type of woman: see above type pictures. But as you'll see in my next post, looks aren't all I'm about. I'll give you two case studies of the type of women I'm attracted to in real life.



Would naked women permanently shape Black Napalm's life, or would he overcome his addiction to porn to have healthy relationships with normal, everyday women?

Stay tuned.